All You Need Is Love Relationship Advice: Dr. Barton Goldsmith

Love can give you a ton of energy. It can help make the difference between wellness and continued illness, see you through an uncomfortable situation, or inspire you to get real creative. Unfortunately, it will not pay your bills or get you clean and sober. And it’s a mistake to believe that you can change someone else if only you love him or her enough. Love does heal, but only up to a point. You can’t solve someone else’s problems, and if you have an issue or dilemma, you can’t expect love or your lover to fix it. You have to step up and make the move to take care of yourself in whatever way is necessary. But love helps. So does knowledge, imagination, and hard work. Love is about the two of you sticking together through the rough patches and, once they are over, enjoying the fact that you are a great team. Now that’s bonding. I really think it takes two people to make one life. Getting through tough times is much easier if you do it as a couple. Many successful people will tell you that they could not have gotten to where they are without the one they love by their side.

Emotional support from a loved one can make a big difference in how we deal with the roller-coaster of life. We all have issues, and having that hand to hold can give us the strength we need to deal with them. If your relationship is on the rocks, or if love has eluded you, there is no time like the present to turn things around and make your heart full. Start by acting as if you feel the love, or mentally recall a time when you did. By conjuring up those feelings, you are also projecting them on to your partner or a potential one.

Giving your heart to someone only to have it handed back to you in pieces is about as painful as life gets. When your love is rebuffed or dishonored by a partner’s bad behavior, please remember that it is not your fault. Avoid saying to yourself, “If I only could have loved him or her more, this wouldn’t have happened.” In truth, you don’t have any control over how another person acts, and there’s no point in beating yourself up. If you are not happy with your current romantic circumstances, then it’s time to do something about it. It’s much easier to fix a broken relationship than to find a new one, so start looking at ways to make things better. Begin with an honest conversation about how you feel and see if the two of you can resolve to be nicer to each other. These actions will help you feel the love again.

If you are still looking, please give the Internet a try—it worked for us. And remember what John Lennon said, “The love you take is equal to the love you make.

*Named by Cosmopolitan Magazine as one of America’s top relationship experts, award-winning psychotherapist, syndicated columnist, and radio host Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., is an internationally recognized counsellor, author, and speaker.